Decision Time

I figured that I would have all season to make a post about my thoughts on The Bachelor. How time flies because the finale is tonight coming soon and not once have I made any comment about it! I might be losing my pop culture street cred. So fear no more, I am happy to share some of my thoughts about tonight’s most dramatic rose ceremony EVER! Maybe in honor of that, I can make this my most dramatic blog post EVER! At bare minimum, I will at least post this picture of Chris Harrison so you know this is dramatic.

The only thing that this season’s Bachelor is famous for is being is the guy that picked no one. For this he was vilified, although I am not totally sure why. On the surface, this is probably not the worst thing that has happened in the history of mankind, but people took great offense to it. One thing that played into this was that he really didn’t have a very good explanation for why he dumped both women. When asked, he initially just kind of babbled and acted like he was hiding something. This then leads into fact number 2 against Brad, it felt that he led the women on, knowing that he wasn’t going to pick either of them. If you didn’t want to pick either of them, the classy thing to do would be to NOT use the fantasy suite the previous week. I’m just saying.

Those two minor details aside, I really didn’t find it to be such a big deal that he chose no one. If you aren’t clicking with the any of the women, you shouldn’t be forced to pick one of them just to say there was a winner and to prevent them from being embarrassed. What’s worse, losing on The Bachelor or getting picked out of pity? I know which one I would like to avoid. Being dumped sucks, whether it is on national TV on a wind-swept cliff or at the Homecoming dance. So to say that he should have picked someone just to avoid hurting someone’s feelings is just silly.

I actually felt like Brad was somewhat vindicated months later when there was a meeting set up between DeAnna (one of the two “victims”, who ended up being the next Bachelorette) and him. In it, they came together and DeAnna really opened up (I’m starting to sound like a contestant now!) about understanding what he went through and that she had a lot more respect for him and the decision he made. Okay, problem solved! I was right and the world was wrong.

Fast forward to the beginning of this current season, starring the one and only non-decision maker, Brad! The beginning of the first show featured a prolonged segment on why he would come back after having such a problematic experience the first time. Things got off to a fine start, and he confirmed my personal thoughts about the experience. He didn’t have a connection with either of the women and he didn’t feel right picking either of them. Excellent, chalk one up for integrity and being a forthright person. And then, Brad kept talking.

The segment kept on going and he started talking about his “fear of commitment” and how he started seeing a therapist to get him past some of these issues. He “didn’t know how to handle intimacy” and I think he also threw in something about a bad relationship with his father and family. Blah.

In no way do I want to downplay people who truly have a need for therapy, who truly had bad family relationships as a child which affected every future relationship that they ever had and have difficulty with intimacy and committing. There are a great many people for whom some or all of these issues have wrecked havoc with their life. And this is why I wrote the previous paragraph. Brad did not seem at all genuine when he was saying these things. It felt an awful lot like he was just going to these areas because that is what the script said and to further excuse his choice, which ironically did not need further excuse.

Does anyone really think that Tiger Woods was a sex addict? That’s what I thought. If Tiger was addicted to anything, it was to “being Tiger” and all of the power and perks that went with it. However, when he finally got caught, it was much easier to blame everything on his “addiction” that he was “powerless” against and then go to “rehab” than to stand up and say, “I was an arrogant, power-hungry jerk and I let it all go to my head. I really screwed up and I am sorry.”

There are people out there who really are addicted to a wide variety of things, who are really seeing their lives dissolve in front of their eyes. Every time a celebrity (or pseudo-celebrity) brings up an “addiction” when things are going south, it is an insult to all of the people out there who are really facing addictions, who really need the care of a well-trained and caring therapist, who really are trying to work through horrific pasts so as to have a chance at a brighter future.

Life is hard and there are many tough decisions to be made, most of which do not call for choosing between two perky bachelorettes in sunny Bora Bora. Not every decision is going to work out for the best and not every night is going to be the most dramatic decision EVER! But every decision does have your integrity and your values at stake, so make sure that you are doing the best that you can to be true to yourself and respectful of others. Even if the cameras aren’t watching you.


About ironsalsa

I'm just a man who likes to hear himself talk, yet pretends he can't stand himself.
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